Handling the Truth
by 12anonymous33
Summary: Weeks after the firing of the Crucible, a recovering Shepard finally returns with his comrades to the Normandy. With the burden of what he had done weighing on his shoulders, he decides to reveal to his crew what really happened on the Citadel during the final battle. Can they all handle the truth? (Post Destroy Ending)
1. Chapter 1

**CHAPTER 1**

I stared out the large hospital window, taking in the sunset that painted the sky and clouds with brilliant hues of blue, orange, and green. It occurred to me, as the sun disappeared behind the rocky horizon, how much people took these sights for granted, always assuming that the next day would begin and progress like any other. In a matter of years, the sun had nearly set on our entire galactic civilization. The grueling conflict we had all endured really put every aspect of our lives into perspective.

My gaze wandered to the modest city that stretched out before me. It was small, even by today's standards, but it was still the largest in the state of New Mexico. Albuquerque, along with several inland cities, had remained largely intact after the Reaper attack. It was for this reason that I had been rushed to the hospital here after I had been found on the ruins of the Citadel, barely clinging to life after the activation of the Crucible.

Coincidentally, I remembered Thane telling me he and his son had taken one last vacation in this state to spend time together. I hoped that Kolyat was safe, not having seen the drell since our last shore leave on the Citadel

I leaned back in my wheelchair with a heavy sigh, trying to ignore the many aches and pains that plagued my being. It would probably be weeks before I could even walk on my own. But I couldn't lose hope, not now. I had been through much worse.

"Commander Shepard?"

I turned to the kindly nurse who had been assigned to watch over me during my stay.

"Hey, Amelia," I smiled tiredly, "Are all the forms in order?"

"Yes, sir," she exclaimed happily, leafing through some papers and a datapad before handing them to me. "You're free to go. I believe your comrades are waiting outside to escort you back to the ship."

"Thanks again, for everything," I replied earnestly. I had no idea how this woman and her coworkers kept up with the stress that came with the high influx of patients and the recent shortage of resources.

"Of course. It's been an honor, Commander," she said with a small dip of her head. She took the handles of my chair and wheeled me out into the hallway, past the bustling patients and medical workers. Despite all my recent trauma, I felt a kind of warmth seeing all of the doctors and survivors recuperating after their terrible ordeal.

"Hey, Shepard! Over here!"

Four of my most trusted comrades stood at the end of the hallway, waiting eagerly to greet me. Kaidan, my right-hand man, XO of the Normandy and fellow Spectre. Liara, the Shadow Broker and one of my closest friends. Garrus, the Archangel of Omega and the best turian soldier I'd ever met. Finally, Tali, our bubbly Quarian technician turned Admiral of the Migrant Fleet.

Although this was far from their first visit to the hospital, seeing them gathered together reminded me what I had been fighting so long for, and why we had emerged victorious.

I smiled feebly and waved as they approached, and I gasped when I suddenly had the wind knocked right out of me. It took me a second to see Liara leaning against me, her arms wrapped around my shoulders.

"Oh, Shepard," she whispered tearfully into my jacket. "I'm so happy you're back with us."

I raised an eyebrow at Kaidan as he hid his shit-eating grin behind his hand.

"Come on, Shep," he chuckled, "We've all been dying to see you out of that hospital bed. Especially Liara."

"Oh, I'm so sorry, Shepard," Liara mumbled, pulling away, "I just thought-"

I couldn't help but laugh at the asari's high-pitched gasp as I took her in my arms and pressed her against me once more.

"It's great to see you too, honey," I smiled, rubbing her back soothingly. Liara gripped me tighter, trembling from her suppressed sobs of joy.

"Group hug!" Tali squealed, rushing over and flinging her arms around my other side, nearly tipping my wheelchair.

"Thanks, Tali," I responded, looking expectantly to Kaidan and Garrus. The two men shared a look before the Spectre sighed sheepishly.

"Screw it," Kaidan muttered, coming around behind me and embracing me around the neck. "We've gone through Hell and back, Shepard. I'm proud to have been a part of it."

The Turian before us rolled his blue eyes and, with a half-hearted grumble, came and nestled himself beside Tali.

"Alright, Shepard," he said softly, trying to ignore the cooing of the bystanders. "Just this once."

"I really love you guys," I murmured, the words strangely foreign on my lips.

"Oh, Shepard," Tali sobbed grossly as if she were watching the conclusion of _Fleet and Flotilla_. "We love you, too."

"You know, I hate to break up this touching moment," Garrus blatantly lied, "But we've got a big shindig planned on the Normandy that I don't plan on being late for."

"Seriously?" I grinned as my companions got back on their feet. "You guys shouldn't have, especially after being stranded on that jungle planet for so long."

"It really wasn't so bad, Shepard," said Liara, "Everything ran like clockwork with Kaidan in charge."

"Like I said," the human Spectre interjected, rubbing the back of his neck. "I was just doing my duty the way you'd want me to, Shepard."

"You'll have to tell me about it on the Normandy, Kaidan," I smiled, genuinely proud of him. "Now, let's get out of here. I've had just about enough of hospital life."

"Alright!" Tali cheered, jumping up and leading Garrus away by the hand. "The rest of the crew is dying to see you!"

"Come on," Liara smiled as Kaidan began wheeling me down the hall. "Let's go home."

Home. Despite all of the destruction this planet faced at the hands of the Reapers, that word seemed strangely fitting. I guessed the old saying really did ring true. Home is where the people you care about are.

I took one last glance over my shoulder. I barely caught sight of Amelia departing, a knowing smile on her kind face.


	2. Chapter 2

**CHAPTER 2**

Lounging back on a bench in the Normandy's Starboard Observation Deck, I lazily watched the mountains and clouds fly past on our way to Vancouver. The Normandy truly was a sight for sore eyes, even with the patchwork repairs throughout her halls. I'd received a hell of a warm welcome from the crew once I boarded, and I was overjoyed to see they had all pulled together and survived the firing of the Crucible.

I frowned. No, not everyone made it out unscathed. When Joker had shown me EDI's comatose form in the Medical Bay, it took all I had not to blurt out the terrible truth of what I had done. AI or not, she was a valuable crewmember and friend that I had sacrificed for the greater good. The expert pilot had simply plastered a smile on his pained face, and told me that he and the engineers would bring her back in no time.

My thoughts were thankfully disturbed by the hiss of the door. Kaidan walked in, rubbing his temples and muttering under his breath. I'd almost forgotten that this room was his usual haunt when I wasn't taking him out on missions.

"Kaidan," I greeted. The biotic jumped and turned to face me, realizing he was not alone.

"Oh, Shepard," he chuckled embarrassedly, taking a seat right next to me. "I kinda forgot you were down here."

"What? You're the one who put me in here so I could rest up," I smirked, "Or was the opportunity to commandeer the Normandy too good to pass up?""

"Heh. You know it," my fellow Spectre winked, "Now I get why you enjoy it so much; It's an exhilarating experience like no other."

"Whatever," I scoffed jokingly, "You just enjoy the sight of people running around at the slightest request."

"...Maybe," Kaidan murmured, making me bark out a laugh.

"But really, Kaidan," I continued once I'd settled down, "You brought the crew together in a time of great hardship and uncertainty. The Normandy wouldn't have made it back to the Sol System without your leadership. I'm proud of you."

The Major grinned, face turning a hint of red. "I appreciate that, Shepard. I'm glad I was able to succeed."

"Yeah, me too," I sighed, remembering my current predicament. Kaidan noticed the change in my composure, and tilted his head quizzically.

"What's wrong, Shepard?" he asked softly, "You don't have to worry anymore. The Reapers are finished, and we're all safe and alive. All thanks to you."

"I couldn't save everyone," I murmured, gaze drifting to the large window.

"What do you...is this about EDI?" Kaidan responded, brow furrowed. "I know a lot of our technology got frazzled by the Crucible, but it was-"

"It wasn't." I interjected, frustration building inside my broken body. "It wasn't the only way. I chose this."

"You...what?" the Spectre shook his head, lost.

"Major," I ordered. Kaidan looked up at me, surprise in his eyes.

"Commander?" he asked, knowing I was being serious.

"Call as much of the crew to the CIC as you can. Anyone not able to come should be listening in on the intercom." I took a deep breath. "I can't keep quiet any longer. You and the crew deserve to know the truth before anyone else."

"Yes, sir," Kaidan nodded, mouth set in a thin line. "I'll do that right away. Do you need help getting up there?"

I glanced ruefully over at my crutches and wheelchair. "Yes, Kaidan. Sorry."

I closed my eyes as the Major pushed me towards the elevator. There was no turning back from the revelation now.


	3. Chapter 3

**CHAPTER 3**

The CIC was buzzing with anticipation as the crew members poured in. With some assistance, I was able to get up on the pedestal in front of the galaxy map. My eyes scanned the crew, who were mingling in excitement with my squad members. Even Joker had placed the Normandy on autopilot to bear witness to my confession.

I glanced to my sides at Kaidan and Liara, who stood beside me to support me and avert a fall. They both nodded, encouraging me to go on with the meeting. I sucked in a breath, resolute. Here went nothing.

"Attention, everyone," I called clearly. The chattering ceased instantly and all eyes were on me. I gulped, gathering up the strength to speak. "First, I'd like to once again express my gratitude for the effort and commitment each and every one of you have dedicated to defeating the Reapers. I know I wouldn't have succeeded without the best crew in the Alliance backing me up.

"That being said, the least I can do in return is be completely honest and share my experiences with all of you. I've told no one else what you're about to hear, not even Admiral Hackett. It is the truth of what happened on the Citadel, and how I destroyed the Reapers.

"I guess I should start with the final rush to the Citadel in London," I chuckled humorlessly. "Man, that was chaos. I'm glad that the Normandy was able to get through for that evac."

I felt Kaidan stiffen beside me. He had been the one who had needed extraction after his run in with Harbinger's laser.

"Once the Normandy fled, I was alone with whatever Alliance forces were left on the ground. As far as I know, I was the only one able to reach the beam to the Citadel. That is, except for Admiral Anderson."

I paused, pain and guilt taking hold at the mention of my life-long friend and father-figure. My insides felt dead, and I wanted nothing more than to be tossed out the airlock.

A delicate hand slowly took hold of mine. The kindness of Liara's gesture overwhelmed the doubt inside me, lending me bits of strength. I squeezed her hand reassuringly and continued.

"The Citadel...it looked like something out of the _Divine Comedy_. A dark maze of bodies and those...keepers," I shuddered. "Eventually, Anderson and I found each other at a control panel in this great chasm that I'd never seen on the Citadel before. But we weren't alone.

"The Illusive Man himself appeared," I said, eliciting some murmurs of surprise. "And he tried to stop us from opening the arms and docking the Crucible. He insisted that we could control the Reapers, that it was humanity's only hope." I scoffed, "Only thing was, the Reapers already controlled him.

"I argued with him, told him what he was doing was only degrading humanity even further. He was in denial at first, but somehow, I got through to him. He put a gun to his head, and ended it."

I let a beat of silence pass before going on. "By then, Anderson and I thought it was over, that the Crucible would finally blow the Reapers to kingdom come. But he'd been critically injured, and we exchanged some final words before he passed on." I gulped, keeping my emotions in check. Kaidan placed a warm hand on my shoulder, no doubt trying to comfort me.

I took another look at the crew assembled before me. Some, like Javik, kept their eyes on me impassively. Others dabbed at their tears at the mention of Anderson's death. Tali, especially, was trembling inconsolably. Garrus stood behind her, arms wrapped around her in a comforting embrace.

Steeling myself, I pressed on. "A few moments later, Hackett got a hold of me. He told me that the Crucible wasn't firing. I tried to get to the control panel to activate it, but I passed out before I could do anything. When I came to, I was presented with a choice. The repercussions of this choice would change the lives of everyone in the galaxy. And I alone was given the burden of choosing."


	4. Chapter 4

**CHAPTER 4**

"When I awoke, I found myself on the Crucible itself. I'm not too sure how I ended up there, but I didn't have time to ponder it. I was met by this AI that looked like this little boy I remembered seeing back on Earth.

"This AI claimed to be the Catalyst, and that the Citadel was simply a part of it," I said, my crew staring back in confusion. "It explained that it was created by the Leviathan race to oversee the relationship between organics and synthetics. Over many cycles, the Catalyst noted that chaos and destruction always resulted between them, and it came to a solution: That advanced organic civilizations must be harvested before they were bested by synthetics. That's when the Catalyst betrayed his creators and used them to make the very first Reapers."

"That's insane!" Tali interjected. She shrunk slightly when all eyes turned on her. "Sorry, Shepard...it's just that we helped the Quarians and the Geth finally achieve peace. We proved that organics and synthetics can coexist!"

"I know, Tali," I nodded solemnly, "I suppose that alone wasn't enough to deter the Reapers.

"The galaxy was this AI's playground for who knows how long." I continued, ignoring some of the disbelieving stares. "For many cycles, nothing changed, civilizations rising and crumbling in the manner the Catalyst wanted. That is, until a certain variable appeared."

"You?" I barely heard Kaidan mutter beside me.

"Yes, believe it or not," I answered, catching his amber gaze for a second and nodding. "By stopping Sovereign's attack on the Citadel, destroying the Collectors, and uniting the galaxy, I...no, we were the one exception in our cycle that stood in the Reapers' way. The Catalyst took note of this, and told me that a new solution would be required.

"I was presented with three options, three different ways to use the Crucible to defeat the Reapers." I took a deep breath. This next part was the one I had stressed over the most. "Option one: Control the Reapers."

"So the Illusive Man was right," Liara breathed.

"Yes, but the power to control would come at a cost. According to the Catalyst, I would have to shed my physical form and transcend mortality to become the collective Reaper conscience. My thoughts and memories would remain intact, and this new "me" would direct the Reapers as he saw fit. But I couldn't bring myself to throw away my humanity. What would happen if he became just like the Catalyst? How could I be sure that he would control the Reapers the way I wanted?"

"Hmm," said Garrus, "At first glance, that prospect may have been tempting. But Shepard's right; the outcome would have been just as unpredictable."

I nodded in thanks before facing my bewildered crew. "Then came the second option: Synthesis. By sacrificing myself and combining my energy with that of the Crucible's, I would be able to rewrite the genetic information of all organics and synthetics in the galaxy. It would combine the best of both, without the weaknesses of either. Organics, like us, would be evolved to our fullest physical and intellectual potential. Synthetics would finally understand what it means to be alive. We would reach a level of existence that...frankly, I can't imagine what it would be like."

"Wait, Shepard," Kaidan interrupted, coming close and facing me. "Isn't that what Saren wanted? That same radical idea that started all of this?"

"That's correct," I responded patiently, remembering the late Turian Spectre. "Which is why I couldn't choose it. What fairness would there be in me playing god and choosing the path all life would have to take? And again, I couldn't be certain that the Reapers would be pacified."

The crew didn't react to my rejection of synthesis as well as I had hoped. Some seemed dejected that they wouldn't be reaping the benefits of a new form of cybernetic DNA.

"It couldn't have been all bad, right, Commander?" Joker questioned, a somewhat hostile glint in his eye. "I mean, some people could have benefited from being part synthetic. And if synthetics could truly understand us, wouldn't that lead to peace?"

"That would've been the best case scenario, Joker," I replied, "Trust me, I asked the Catalyst the same thing. It didn't give me a straight answer. Besides, it wasn't my choice to make. The Catalyst told me synthesis was the final evolution of all life. What would become of the different races and people in the galaxy if I forced them to assimilate?"

I let this rhetorical question hang in the air for my crew to ponder. I shifted uncomfortably on my weak legs. I wasn't sure how long I could keep this up.

"I suppose this last choice was the one you picked, Commander?" Specialist Traynor spoke cautiously.

"Yes it was," I sighed, sending her a sad, but placating smile. "The final option the Catalyst offered me was destruction. I could finally do what I had sworn to from the beginning: Vanquish the Reapers and allow life in the galaxy to develop on its own terms. This was the only way the galaxy would truly be safe."

"And I laud you, Commander, for accomplishing what my race could not," Javik nodded in approval. "But I cannot help but wonder if this victory came at a price."

I was surprised that the Prothean had picked up the reluctance in my voice. "Like the other choices the Catalyst presented me with, the destruction of the Reapers came at a cost. I wish I could of told this AI kid to bite me, but we'd worked so hard for this single opportunity that I couldn't turn back. I couldn't let it all go to waste."

I steeled myself with an inhalation through my nostrils. "The Crucible did not discriminate in its devastation. All synthetics were affected, most lost forever. I knew this, and I chose this freely."

And with that, my confession was bared for all of my comrades and peers to behold.


	5. Chapter 5

**CHAPTER 5**

The faithful crew of the Normandy was dead silent, all observing their dejected CO. Many of their faces held fierce admiration, while others offered only pity and spite. I opened my mouth, trying to force out a few closing words, but Joker beat me to the punch.

"What?" he growled, betrayal evident in his tone "You knew this would happen?"

"But...Shepard," Tali cried, separating herself from Garrus and stepping forward. "We...worked so hard to make peace with the Geth and...and take back the homeworld. Was that all just for nothing? And Legion..."

"Hey," Garrus murmured, wrapping an arm around the tearful Quarian's shoulder that was promptly shrugged off.

"I'm sorry," Tali sniffed, "I have to...go. Thank you for everything, Shepard." With that, she strode off to the War Room, silent. The Archangel shot me an apologetic glance before departing after her.

By now, the murmurs were beginning to rise in volume around the CIC. I knew what they all were wondering. Did I make the right choice? Could anything have been done differently? Was synthetic genocide worth the destruction of the most terrifying menace the galaxy had ever seen?

"Alright, people," Lieutenant Vega called, raising his arms in a pacifying way. "What's done is done. There's no point in arguing-"

"No!" Joker's voice rang louder, "You let this happen, Shepard! After everything she did for us, you threw EDI away like she meant nothing! And think about everyone else out there who depended on synthetics! They never-"

"Please, Jeff," Cortez beseeched, grabbing the pilot's arm. "You're not the only one who's lost something in this war. EDI's sacrifice was very noble, just like everyone else's who died so that we could survive."

"I..I know that," Joker faltered. The anguish in his eyes tore through me. I wanted to say something, apologize, anything, but my voice was lost.

"I just...I think we're almost in BC. Thanks for the talk, Commander," Joker nodded at me before hobbling back to the cockpit. One by one, other crew members followed suit and returned to their posts.

"Alright, everyone," Kaidan announced, stepping up and taking charge. "The Commander greatly appreciates your attention on what is no doubt the hardest experience he's had to recount. We can reciprocate by helping him give the Alliance Brass a great welcome once we arrive at Vancouver. We can't let them forget that the Normandy is the gem of the Alliance Fleet. Let's get to work, people!"

The remaining crew saluted us and dashed off to prepare the Normandy and its advanced systems for arrival.

"Thanks, Kaidan," I rasped, suddenly exhausted. "I wasn't sure how I was gonna conclude this."

"Anytime, Shepard," the Spectre replied with a soft smile.

"Shepard," said Liara, placing a warm hand on my forehead. "Do you want to go up to your quarters and rest? Take some medicine?"

"Yeah," I nodded weakly, leaning into her touch. "I'd love that, actually." My legs felt like they were about to give out and crumble.

Sensing my frail state, Kaidan slung his arm around me, leading me back to my wheelchair.

"You can rest as long as you want, Shepard. You've earned it," said Kaidan as Liara joined us in the elevator. "Just for the record, I think you made the right choice."

His words should have calmed me, but they only filled me with more doubt. Letting my experience with the Catalyst off my chest should've felt better than this.

"Thanks," I breathed, just as the elevator arrived to the Captain's Cabin.


	6. Chapter 6

**CHAPTER 6**

"Don't worry, Kaidan," said Liara, wheeling me out of the elevator. "Shepard and I will be fine."

"You sure?" He inquired earnestly.

"Yes, Kaidan," I chuckled exasperatedly, "I need you to go back down to the CIC and make sure everything is running smoothly for our arrival. And check on Tali and Joker, too, would you?" I gulped. "They have a lot to deal with right now...no thanks to me."

"Of course, Shepard," said the Major, convinced. "Get well soon, Commander," he added with a small salute before the elevator doors shut once more.

I took in my old cabin as Liara helped me to the bed. It was still the same cozy room I remembered, albeit with a shattered aquarium and broken ship models scattered about.

Liara sat on the bed next to me, rummaging through my small medicine bag as I rubbed my aching legs. I arched an eyebrow in confusion as I picked up an unfamiliar shirt from the floor.

"Whose shirt is this?" I asked the asari, who covered her mouth to suppress a giggle.

"I believe that belongs to the Major." She smiled. "He probably didn't tell you, but things were pretty stressful when the Normandy was stranded. He'd sometimes sneak up here to take naps."

"Really?" I smirked fondly. "I didn't know he missed me that much."

Liara giggled happily, a soft, warm sound that reminded me of the eager young archeologist I met on Therum.

"It's good to see you smiling again," I murmured, placing my hand on hers.

"Thank you, John. I owe that to you," she smiled, face flushing a deeper shade of blue. "I can live the rest of my long life happy and free thanks to what you did on the Crucible."

My grin faltered. "I wish everyone could've been as appreciative of my choice."

"They'll come around," said Liara reassuringly. "The things you said about the Reapers and the Catalyst were...pretty hard to hear. But honestly," the asari continued, tone growing cold. "After all the horrors the Reapers inflicted on our civilization, they didn't deserve a second chance."

I could only nod in agreement. Despite the loss of EDI and the Geth, the Reapers could not go unpunished for their crimes.

"I'm actually glad you were the one to make the choice, John," she said after glaring at the wall for a few moments.

"It didn't seem all that fair to me," I chuckled humorlessly. "The fate of the entire galaxy literally in my hands? Talk about the pressure."

"I know," Liara quickly interjected, sapphire eyes meeting mine. "It's not something you should've had to go through alone...but it's fitting, somehow."

I silently reached into the medicine bag, taking some of my prescribed medication. I nodded in encouragement, wanting to hear all of what the asari had to say.

"You were the one who stood up against Saren and the Reapers while everyone else turned a blind eye," Liara explained, leaning back and staring up at the blue expanse beyond the sunroof. "And in the end, you were the one who sealed their fate all those weeks ago."

"Yeah...I suppose you're right," I agreed, seeing her point. "A part of me is glad that we weren't able to dock the Crucible before the battle in London."

"I was actually thinking the same thing," the Shadow Broker smirked. "What do you think would've happened if this Catalyst suddenly appeared before the Council and everyone on the Citadel and threw these terrible choices at them? There would've been a mass hysteria!"

I threw my head back, barking a laugh at the thought of the pompous Council cowering in fear of an indignant little hologram.

"They probably would've abandoned ship right there," I snickered, pulling out the datapad my nurse had given me. "But all jokes aside, that could've been disastrous for our cause. The Reapers had a knack for taking advantage of galactic infighting."

"Definitely," Liara softly agreed, looking over my shoulder at the datapad I still held. "What are those? Doctor's notes?"

"Yep," I pursed my lips, skimming through the notes. "Mostly just the usual spiel. No excessive movements, no lifting, no biotics, lots of rest," I sighed ruefully, raising my hand and enveloping it in a weak indigo aura. "It could be months before I return to how I was before, if ever."

"You'll recover, John," Liara reassured me, placing a hand on my bicep. "How are your implants holding up?"

"Eh," I winced, rolling my neck. "The doctors said they're fine, thanks to Miranda." I recalled the first time I awoke after activating the Crucible. It was quite jarring, not unlike my experience with the Lazarus Project. The first person I had seen was Miranda, dressed in hospital scrubs and dark hair tied back in a messy ponytail. The elation in her eyes, however, had shone through the sweat and grime on her face. She had saved me once again.

"I owe a lot to her," I chuckled exasperatedly, "This is the second time she's brought me back from the brink. I'll try not to make it a habit from now on." I yawned suddenly, stretching my bandaged arms above my head.

"Tired?" Liara spoke softly. I nodded and leaned my head back into the familiar pillow, sighing into the soft fabric. My head felt like a cinder block, and it became increasingly difficult to keep my eyes open.

"This smells like Kaidan's hair gel," I murmured, earning another giggle from the asari.

"Here," she said, gently lifting my legs onto the bed as well. "Do you want me to...er...tuck you in, Shepard?"

"No thanks, mom," I smirked sleepily, barely catching sight of Liara's blush.

"Oh, alright," she replied, watching me succumb to the warmth of sleep. "We'll all be downstairs if you need anything."

"Thanks, Liara," I slurred, senses going dark. "For everything."

"Anytime, John."


	7. Chapter 7

**CHAPTER 7**

I was grateful that sleep came quickly to me after I had revealed the truth of the Crucible to my crew. However, I kept slipping in and out of lucidity, seeing the defeated looks on Joker and Tali's faces, Liara's beautiful smile, the unconditional support in Kaidan's amber eyes...

And most of all, the disbelieving and accusatory glares of the skeptical.

As these images flashed in my mind's eye, another terrible thought occurred to me; what if I chose what I did to save myself? I knew perfectly well that choosing to control the Reapers or synthesize all life would result in my demise. Was that it? After all I had gone through as an N7 and a Spectre, did I sacrifice the lives of all AI and VI in the galaxy solely to give myself an infinitesimal chance of living to see another day?

No, I reasoned desperately, it couldn't have been all that. By choosing to control those abomination, or forcing a new way of live on everyone, I would lose something very precious to me; my humanity, a simple sentiment that all of my comrades could relate to, the very essence of my species that I was fighting to preserve for future generations. How would the galaxy react when they learned I, their hero and idol, had succumbed to temptation and become the terrifying new ruler of the Reapers?

My eyes shot open as I heard a rustle by my side. In the dim light, I could make out the figure of a man making his way quietly into the room.

"Kaidan?" I muttered groggily, rubbing my aching eyes.

"Hey, Shepard," the Major whispered, coming over and leaning on the bed. "Did I wake you?"

"No, no," I replied, rolling over to face him. "Are we there yet?"

"Yeah," he nodded, "We arrived a little while ago. You wouldn't believe the crowds that came out to see the Normandy. Everyone in Vancouver and their mother was out there," he smiled softly. "Looked like a real hero's welcome."

"Heh," I chuckled, "Too bad I missed it. What about the Brass?"

"They're aboard right now. Told us how damn proud they were and how everyone would be receiving medals and honors and yadda, yadda, yadda," Kaidan trailed off with a smirk.

"I bet," I yawned, sitting up. "And Hackett?"

"He's waiting outside, actually. We came up to see if you were ready to get out of here to the medical center. Also, he wants to thank you personally."

"Alright," I sighed. "No point in putting this off any longer."

Kaidan's eyes flashed with worry as he helped me up. "Are you gonna tell him about the Crucible?"

"Does it look like I have a choice?" I grunted as he helped me past my desk and to the bathroom.

"Don't worry, I'll stay if you want. I can vouch for anything you have to say," the Spectre reassured me as he waited for me to wash up. I pulled on my standard-issue Alliance jacket and grabbed my crutches.

"Thanks, Kaidan," I said, pulling myself towards the door. "You're a real friend."

"I try," he chuckled, moving to let Hackett in. "Ready?"

I blinked, willing away any doubt from my system. I knew that the Alliance might not react too well to the genocide of all synthetics that I had unleashed. Like the destruction of the Alpha Relay, it was only to ensure the longevity of our galactic civilization. Without the Reapers, the many races of the galaxy could live and prosper without fear. I was sure Hackett, of all people, would understand.

I remembered Kaidan's words from before; I didn't have to worry anymore. The Reapers were finished. We had achieved what the past galactic cycles could not.

"Alright, Kaidan," I nodded, standing up straight despite the crutches. "Let's face the music."

The door quickly slid open, and we were face to face with the man himself. Admiral Hackett seemed a very experienced and firm leader in person. Despite the stress and horrors that had taken a toll on his aged face, he stood with a firm posture befitting any good member of the Alliance.

"Commander," He stated with a firm nod, "I can't even begin to tell you how glad I am to see you in one piece. You accomplished the impossible by taking down the Reapers. The entire galaxy owes the Normandy and her crew an enormous debt." I could see the relief and hope in his eyes despite his rehearsed composure.

"It's great to see you made it out, too, Admiral," I smiled, "Looks like we really did it, huh?"

"Yes," Hackett chuckled tiredly, stepping into the cabin. "Yes, we did. I apologize if my visit seems abrupt. After everything that's happened, the Alliance wanted to make sure you were on the road to recovery. I heard how bad you looked when they finally found you on the Citadel."

"Thank you for the concern, Admiral," I responded, "I'm honestly feeling much better now. I know that I have a lot of therapy ahead of me, but I can live with that."

"Of course," The Admiral nodded, clasping his hands behind his back. "I imagine after all that time you spent in New Mexico, you'd be a bit out of the loop on all of our reconstruction efforts. Restoring communications has been an issue, so I'd like to keep you informed on the current state of affairs. In turn, the Alliance would like to find out what exactly happened on the Citadel. It was a miracle that you were able to activate the Crucible at all."

I set my mouth into a thin line, glancing over at Kaidan, who had been silently presiding over our exchange. He offered me a quick nod of affirmation, restoring my resolve.

"Indeed it was," I said, leading Hackett and the Major over to the sofa. I settled down, glad to take the strain off my legs.

"You might want to sit down for this, Admiral," I beckoned him to take a seat across from me. "There's a lot we need to talk about."

I braced myself to reveal the earth-shattering truth of the Crucible once again.


End file.
